Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
