I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
