after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
