I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
