Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
