Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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