my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
