i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She even gives head with a lisp.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
