Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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