If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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