I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
