Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just blew my weed a kiss
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
