Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this just has baby written all over it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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