i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
