the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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