so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
