Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
