Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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