I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize