it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
