is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
