I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
