my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
