Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
