So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Life is so much better after having sex.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
