last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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