Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
