my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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