I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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