Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize