this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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