I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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