omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
