omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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