Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
