Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
please come you make the beer taste better
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize