What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
