He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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