Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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