It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
