At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
