yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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