no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
