he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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