Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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