I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
