I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I supernannyed him into submission
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize