I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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