is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
