Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
