Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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