So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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