I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
