can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
