My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there was a trapeze. enough said
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
