I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
