Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
