Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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