I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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