its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
