LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
