i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
