i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
