I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We left the knife in your bed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
