but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
